taking care of others first

What’s Love Got to Do With It, Part IV

Feb14_2016_Priority

Point to Ponder:
When was the last time you did something for you, and only you, without guilt, obligation or anyone else in mind?

Neissa Brown Springmann

When was the last time you did something for you, and only you, without guilt, obligation or anyone else in mind? Your answer may vary based on your season of life, your ability to say “no” or “yes” as well as whether or not you are a people-pleaser or easily give into peer pressure.

For women, making a commitment to do something specifically for you and only you, with no one else in mind, is and can be terribly complicated, conflicting and hard. Why? Because we are wired to think, care and always be in service of others, and very often it takes lengthy and agonizing steps just to do what we want to do for us, like get a haircut!

Lets face it, if you are married, have kids, and/or have a pet, it is YOU who is responsible for making sure everyone and everything get taken care of, has food, has rides, and any other arrangements that need to be made prior to you doing for you. Or, if you aren’t married, have no children or pets, very often it’s work or your daunting to-do list that trips you up and keeps you from experiencing maximum enjoyment, adventure, relaxation, education, or whatever it is you are truly wanting. Either way, too often guilt and a lack of worthiness are the culprits which cause what we want to be placed on the back burner.

For me, I’ve become terrible at neglecting my wants. I’ve forgotten about me because it takes extra effort and designated alone time to think about me. And, when I am alone the last thing on my mind is what I want. Instead, when I do get alone-time, my focus is on two things: fulfilling my work and life responsibilities (funny how you can work on both of these 24/7 and neither get any smaller and I am never making myself a responsibility). Instead, almost always my time and decisions are based on the consideration of my family or other people. I’m okay with this because my life isn’t about me only, however I have let the pendulum swing waaay to far to the other side. I’ve now reached the point of neglect, which will soon lead to resentment, lower energy and added stress, depression and poor health (it’s a scientifically proven progression).

Despite Yahoo’s turbulent landscape and massive layoffs, a few years ago I read an interesting article on their very young and ambitious CEO, Marissa Mayer. During the time of the article, not only was she the CEO, but she also had a newborn, so there’s no doubt that her life was extremely exhausting and very high-stress. While reading, what struck me the most was that she said she took a long three-day weekend every other month. When I read this my jaw dropped. My first two thoughts were envy and skepticism with some judgement thrown in. Of course she can take a three day getaway, she’s making millions and she has nannies and homes and personal assistants. But then I thought: how in the world does she have time to take a three day getaway every other month. None-the-less and very wisely, she identified that in order for her to be effective and productive in all areas of her life (at home and at Yahoo), it was essential that she have balance and allow herself to get away from time to time.

Finally, just last night I read an exceptional devotional by Glynnis Whitwer. She compared our overly busy lives to trying to fit one cup of milk in a half cup measuring cup. It’s impossible right? The result is it overflows and makes a giant mess. Well, our lives are no different. If you are like me, you try to fit way too many to-do’s, expectations, accomplishments and needs of others into your cup and the result is an emotional, mental, physical and spiritual mess. Your relationships, health, work, etc. —everything is negatively effected because you have failed to neglect your basic needs, which is to engage and participate in things that YOU and only YOU want to do.

Doing something special for yourself does not have to require money, it simply requires you loving yourself enough to make you a priority, just as you do to everyone and everything else. Your “thing” can be something as simple as a quiet, prayerful and meditative walk, reading a book, hiking, joining a Bible study or book club, taking a photography or art class, exercising more, seeing a movie once a month, have a monthly dinner with friends or significant other, or as it relates to iGnite, treating yourself to Amy’s delicious yoga workshops this Saturday or in April, joining us for our upcoming Mini-iGnite Weekend Escape to Port Aransas or splurge by joining us on our Summer Escape to Banff, Canada. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter WHAT you do for yourself. Instead, what’s most important is that you love yourself enough to identify your wants, bring them to the front burner and start taking action.