Tag Archives: excuses

Spring Cleaning the Mental Garbage

“Tell yourself everything will work out, things will get better, you are important, you are worthy of great things, you are loveable, the time is now, this too shall pass, you can be who you really are, the best is yet to come, you are strong, you can do this!” – Doe Zantamata

Point to Ponder:
What stories have you bought?
What stories have you created and clung to as a way of excusing yourself from having the family, relationships, health, career, self- confidence, life you want, etc?

Action Item:
Decide what the new story is you’re going to tell yourself
about who you are and what you are capable of.

If you are like me, I really want a couple of days to completely dedicate to spring cleaning. The idea of clearing out the clutter and non-essentials that I have collected over the past year (or ten…) would be liberating and feel so good! But, of course the ability to dedicate several days to this task (which I would need) is almost impossible. Instead, I’ve made it a goal to clean a little each week. With that said, I also feel like I have collected negative and useless thoughts over time that aren’t true and don’t serve me, my family, my relationships, or my life. In other words, I’ve collected mental garbage that I need to purge and be done with!

Darren Hardy, the author and publisher of my favorite magazine Success, recently wrote an excellent article titled “The Stories We Tell Ourselves.” The article is heavy on physicality, but it can of course be related to everything we tell ourselves we can’t do — our excuses and even the lies we tell ourselves. So while we are spring cleaning our homes, what better time to focus on mental spring cleaning too. I actually think it’s equally as important, if not more important that the physical act of cleaning our homes.

THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES
by Darren Hardy

We are all excellent storytellers. We have a story for everything. We have a story for why we can’t lose weight, stick to our diets, jog, do pushups, get up early, eat healthy, exercise regularly and stay disciplined. Examples are:

“I’m big-boned.”
“It’s bad for my knees.”
“I don’t have time.”
“I’m too old.”
“It’s impossible when I travel.”
“I deserve a reward.”
“I have PMS.”
“It’s fat-free.”

Recently my friend Kerri told me a story she heard when she was six months into her pregnancy. She had gained a significant amount of weight (she was, after all, pregnant) and started to worry whether she could ever regain her previous figure. She called a mom-friend and asked, “What really happens with this baby weight after my son is born? Will it all go away?” Her friend replied, “Well, a woman once told me you keep 10 pounds per child.” Kerri nearly dropped the phone. The friend’s pronouncement deflated her hopes of returning to her pre-baby weight and shape.

Later that week, Kerri was at the spin studio where she takes fitness classes. Kerri related the 10-pounds-per-child story to Wendy, who also was there to work out. “That’s ridiculous!” Wendy exclaimed. “I’ve had seven children, so I should be 70 pounds overweight. That’s just an excuse—don’t buy that story.” Then Wendy added that “it won’t be easy or automatic, but with hard work and time, you can get your body back… and better.” This mother of seven was indeed in terrific shape, better than most who have never given birth. My friend decided to buy Wendy’s story instead of her other friend’s.

You know that the only thing keeping you from the body you want—the energy and vitality you want—are the stories you buy and retell yourself (and others).

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Wisdom from the Rock

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fear-of-commitment

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings. Always believe in yourself!” (Anonymous)

Point to Ponder:
What “thing” in your life have you pretended to or attempted to be committed to?

Action Item:
No more excuses. Commit to that “thing” that needs and deserves your full commitment.

by Neissa Springmann

A few weeks ago while on the Monarch Escape in North Carolina I rock climbed for the very first time. I anticipated the experience would be challenging, scary and exhilarating (which it was, plus much more!), however I didn’t expect that I would walk away with life wisdom.

While rock climbing, a special bond is formed between the climber and belayer. The belayer is the climber’s anchor and is responsible for keeping slack out of the rope while the climber ascends. The belayer also must provide the climber with just enough slack so the climber can repel safely. Therefore, while the climber climbs, if the belayer does not keep the rope taut, if and when the climber slips, it could get ugly.

As you can imagine, the climber relies heavily on the affirming words of the belayer, and in our group of eight, it most often sounded like this:

Climber yells down to the belayer “You got me?!”
Belayer yells up to climber: “YEP, I got you!”

It was always then that we, the climbers, felt confident enough to proceed to our next move, which many times felt hopeless.

In addition to having to trust our belayer (with our life, literally!), we also learned to listen to our ‘super chill’ and awesome guide, Wes. While climbing, many times we were certain there were no other spots to place our big toe or grab with our finger tips, but Wes always assured us there was. And, when I didn’t feel I could push myself any further and wanted to quit, he would simply say, “Neissa, commit to taking the next step.” Even though I doubted myself, I knew he was right (ugh!) and my body would do whatever my mind commanded and commited to doing — and it did!

So, our wisdom from the rock is this: Anything is possible as long as you trust and commit, but by the same token, defeat is inevitable if there is no trust or commitment.

Therefore, if you are wanting to make a positive change or pursue a goal, relationship, career, etc. commit to it! Without 100% commitment it’s merely a nice sounding idea or dream, which, at the end of the day will only use up precious time and energy and leave you feeling disappointed.

In addition to commiting, you must also trust yourself and trust the process. Know that even though the act of trusting may be extremely difficult, scary and filled with uncertainty, in the end you will have no regrets and plenty of confidence and wisdom to take you to your next big opportunity.

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WEEKLY JOURNAL: Excuses Be Gone

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No More Excuses

Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.

– Tony Robbins

Like many of you, I have recently suffered from cedar fever, which turned into an upper respiratory nightmare that lasted for two weeks. Ironically (or you can call it karma), just two days prior to getting sick I was boasting about my flawless health. Nonetheless, after feeling rotten for so long and experiencing poor health, I quickly felt sympathy for anyone who suffers chronically. It also made me even more eager to get well, begin exercising and start living my full life again. More than anything, even though I was legitimately sick, I was sick and tired of hearing my sick excuses. And somewhere in the process of saying “I’m sick and can’t do _____,” it dawned on me how easy it is to make and use excuses — for anything.

Recently, I’ve quoted from the book The Best Year of Your Life and author Debbie Ford provides excellent insight into what an excuse really is and how they sabotage our future:

Excuses keep us from taking responsibility for our lives and prevent us from seeing the truth about our current reality. They are literally an attempt to ‘excuse’ ourselves from acting like the responsible, powerful, creative human beings we are. Excuses become a socially acceptable way of giving ourselves the ‘out’ we might be looking for. Our excuses scream, ‘It’s not my fault’; ‘I couldn’t help it’; ‘I didn’t have time’; ‘My kids needed me’; That’s not in my job description’; ‘It’s too much work’; I’m too busy’; ‘Everything will fall apart if I don’t do it’. On the surface, these appear to be the truth but on closer examination, if we are wiling to look beyond the ‘I can’t,’ we will see that unless there is a circumstance that makes it physically impossible for us to do what we want to do, it is a form of an excuse. Even if it is justified, it’s still an excuse.

There’s no doubt that excuses can be justified, especially when we or a family member become ill, our job or financial situation takes a turn for the worse or life simply throws a series of curve balls, which is inevitable. With that said, we must determine the importance of experiencing our goal, dream, desire and best life. If it is NOT that important, then we’ll stay where we are and possibly always wonder “what if?” But, if it IS that important, we’ll not let excuses invade our vocabulary and steal our best life. It’s really that simple.

In conclusion, the esteemed counselor and author Wayne Dyer provides nine commonly used excuses, as well as affirmations to help us change our belief about them- and help us live an excuse-free, purposeful and fulfilling life!

Excuse: It will be difficult. Affirmation: I have the ability to accomplish any task I set my mind to with ease and comfort.
Excuse: It will take a long time. Affirmation: I have infinite patience when it comes to fulfilling my destiny.
Excuse: I don’t deserve it. Affirmation: I am a divine creation, therefore I cannot be undeserving.
Excuse: I can’t afford it. Affirmation: I am connected to an unlimited source of abundance.
Excuse: I am not strong enough. Affirmation: I have access to unlimited assistance.
Excuse: I’m too old, or not old enough. Affirmation: The age of my body has no bearing on what I do or who I am.
Excuse: It is my personal family history. Affirmation: I live in the present by being grateful for all my life experiences as a child.
Excuse: I’m too busy. Affirmation: As I unclutter my life, I free myself to answer the callings of my soul.
Excuse: I’m too scared. Affirmation: I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, because I know that I am never alone.

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Point To Ponder:
Do you use excuses (justified or not) as a crutch or a way to avoid taking responsibility for a situation in your life that is worthy of attention?

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Action Item:
Identify the excuses you regularly tell yourself and others. Then, make the decision to stop making excuses and begin acting and reacting in ways that focus on what you can do, regardless of the circumstances.

By Neissa

WEEKLY JOURNAL: Are You Living in the Fantasy of “One Day…”?

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Happiness is an inside job. By exposing your fantasy, you will once and for all dispel the myth that happiness, joy and contentment live anywhere but within you.

-Debbie Ford

Have you ever thought or said, “I’ll be happy or content when__________?” Or, have you ever heard this saying “You’re only as happy as your most unhappy child”? I’m certainly guilty of looking ahead to see what is over the horizon and will be the first to admit that I lack contentment. And, just the other day during an iGnite meeting we discussed the danger of putting all of our happiness eggs into or children’s basket, or anyone’s basket for that matter. If that’s the case, we’ll never get off of the nauseating and emotional roller coaster; therefore, we’ll always deny ourselves happiness, joy and contentment! Happiness, joy and contentment are choices; and thankfully, it’s up to us to find and experience these lifelong fulfilling emotions.

I find the topics of happiness, joy and contentment especially fitting this time of year as goals, resolutions and changes are being pursued by everyone, including myself. After reading the chapter ‘Exposing The Fantasies’ from Debbie Ford’s book The Best Year of Your Life, I was shocked and humbled. I recognized that my reasoning behind fulfilling some of my goals is actually fantasy-driven. Check out what Debbie has to say and see if you too have any “fantasies:”

When we are waiting for one day to come in order to be happy–to experience joy, fun, passion, or success — we are living an illusion that deadens our spirits and robs us of our ability to enjoy our lives right now. There is nothing wrong with future thinking or goal setting. In fact, I believe these actions are imperative if we are to reach our full potential. But living in the fantasy of “one day….” keeps our real lives — the ones you and I are actually living — on hold. Our fantasies prevent us from taking action and making the changes that are necessary to better our lives. Fantasies come in every flavor and are often disguised as goals. They might sound like:

“When I finally get________.” “As soon as I accomplish____________.” “When my husband finally____________.” “When my kids are old enough to take care of themselves, I’ll be able to____________.” “As soon as this _________ period is over, I will diet/get in shape/take care of myself.” “Next year I will_______, and then I’ll be able to_________.” “I’ll be happy when I make more money, live a more balanced life, have a baby, have more time,……………….”

There’s no doubt that timing is everything and the season of our life can certainly influence our goals; however, we must be honest with ourselves and determine if we’ve chosen specific goals as an effort to “one day be happy and fulfilled,” and are postponing the pursuit of a particular goal (as well as our happiness) because we are waiting for the “perfect time.” After all, waiting for the “perfect time” is like believing in mermaids, leprechauns and unicorns. They are nice to think about — but that’s about as good as it gets.

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Point To Ponder:

Are you postponing making a change because you are waiting for the perfect time, situation or opportunity?

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Action Item:
Determine what it is that you are postponing, and break that change or goal down into small, achievable, baby steps. Soon you will see that taking action today is not as intimidating and overwhelming as you originally thought.

By Neissa