Tag Archives: core values

What I’ve Learned About Setting A Healthy Boundary

feb26_2017

Point to Ponder:
Is there an area in your life where you can benefit from adding a healthy boundary?

iGnite Neissa

by Neissa Brown Springmann

Several weeks ago I let Martha Lynn Mangum, iGnite member and my professional coach, know that I wanted to take the week of February 20- February 24 off. My children had the week off from school for what’s called Ski Week. No, this isn’t Spring Break, as that’s not until April. Ski Week is just a random week off designed to torture parents. HA! Really, I have no idea why, but my guess is with the President’s Day holiday, families were taking extra long weekends to go to skiing and as a means to avoid losing money (from the state), the district decided it was best to extend the school year and give the students the whole week off.

All that to say, I wanted to commit the entire week to spending time, having fun and fully focusing on Durant and Malaine, something I shamefully don’t allow myself to do or give them, ever. With the exception of a Saturday or major holiday, I am a slave to my email and anything work related takes precedent. If I’m not physically working, my brain is consumed with it. I’m a work-a-holic and am horrible at setting work-related boundaries. The result is that I spend much of my time multi-tasking between the needs of my family, household and work. On the outside looking in, it might appear that I am cool, calm and collected, but on the inside, I’m a mental mess. I, like most women, am a great multi-tasker, which I think is helpful and likely a God-given gift to women. During multi-tasking moments, I often experience an adrenalin high but I also feel like I am in a constant state of intellectual frenzy. Meanwhile, taking legitimate and real time off never occurs to me. Why? Because I don’t know how to.

As I spoke to Martha about what I wanted to do and why I wanted to do it, I expressed that I just wanted to just hang out with the kiddos. I wanted to give them my undivided attention and not put them on hold, like I frequently do. I also wanted to be fun, and not the crazed mom that I often become when I am striving to accomplish too many things at one time. And yet, as I discussed this with Martha, taking a full week off felt daunting because getting behind on emails and work didn’t seem worth it. Furthermore, with family and hard work being two of my core values, taking time off I felt as though I was not being a supportive team/family member to the iGnite team and family and it just feels wrong not to work!

As you are reading, you are likely seeing my own hypocrisy and wanting to shake me while screaming, “Isn’t taking the week off so you can spend time with your children/family in complete alignment with your family core value?” Of course you are right, but my deranged brain couldn’t see that. And, to exploit my hypocrisy even more, Martha reminded me that even though I always support and encourage our amazing iGnite team to take time off, (because I truly believe we all need it and are energized after a good break and extra fun) by not walking my talk I am non-verbally communicating that I really don’t expect them to take time off either. NOOOOO that’s not true, but clearly I’m being a hypocrite!

Realizing that I was being a total phony sealed the deal, so with Martha’s coaching (because I really didn’t know how to take time off), she directed me on the simple steps:
1). communicate my plans to our team, and 2) to set an email vacation reminder so when someone emailed me and I didn’t respond, they’d know that I I wasn’t ignoring them and I’d get back to them after my time off. And so, I followed Martha’s instructions and last Monday morning I began my week off. As a result, here’s what I learned:

I have very unhealthy work boundaries which are all self-induced, and even though I am deeply passionate about iGnite and it feeds every ounce of my body, mind and spirit, it is essential that I step away, just as I would advise our iGnite team and/or any mom to do from her family, despite her intense love for them.

In addition, taking the week off was the single greatest gift I could have given myself and my family–we had a blast! Because I set my email vacation reminder I didn’t feel obligated to check my email, or guilty or irresponsible for not responding. Was I perfect, no, as there were a few times when I needed to check on time-sensitive items, but I felt zero urge to check my email. All in all, I can’t give myself an A+, but I do give myself an A-. Now that I’ve officially taken time off and know how to, I’ll be able to do it better next time and the next time.

What I’ve learned in life is that I’m never alone in anything, and if I have a difficult time setting boundaries, then it’s likely that someone else does too. There’s no doubt that setting healthy boundaries around work can be tricky for anyone, but in particular for women, I think when it comes to our family, friends, volunteering, and just doing and giving to people in general (as I feel in iGnite), keeping healthy boundaries is as tricky as walking a tightrope. Honoring and keeping our personal and family-time separate and sacred, even from things such as social media, technology, television, and the plethora of activities and opportunities that vie for our attention is a real challenge, but its necessary. In the words of Susan Biali, Life Coach and Medical Doctor, she says it best in her article from Psychology Today titled, “7 Ways to Protect Your Energy & Enforce Healthy Boundaries”, you are here for a reason, and we need you to be at your best. We need you to be rested, and to have time available to do what you were put on this earth to do, no matter how big or small. You need time for you and for those you love most, in order for you to be happy and healthy and a blessing to all of us. This is really important, it isn’t selfish. Guard your life energy, it’s the most important currency you have.”


Action Item:
Establish a healthy boundary in an area in your life, and focus on it for a week. If need be, ask for guidance and find an accountability partner. At the end of your week, evaluate your progress and determine what, if anything, changed for you.


 

12-Day Reboot: Susan’s Day 7

Susan P

by Susan Palombo

This is my fourth reboot and each of them has been different for me.  Although at this point, my diet is almost identical to this program, I don’t adhere to it that strictly at a business conference or a friend’s house for dinner when I’m not rebooting.   I continue to reboot because I love the reminder to take care of ourselves and to spend two weeks of concentration on our health.  I loved the quote on the cover, “The greatest gift you can give others is your best self,” by Joseph J. Sweere.  This time, as some of you know, I literally enrolled my husband, John, into the process.  My daughter, Megan, participated last time when she was living with us.  So my husband has certainly heard about the reboot and benefitted (sometimes an unwilling participant) from the healthy meals!  But he attended the kick off breakfast and WF tour so he has a much deeper understanding of iGnite and the philosophy and purpose around the reboot.  He now understands why we all like iGnite so much.  Mission accomplished on that!  (Success is a core value, of course!)

I am enjoying the spiritual and personal empowerment themes that were added this year.  And writing this blog for iGnite was certainly a gentle nudge to get me towards the back of the manual and to do some of the values work. Even though I have done things like that many times before, I really thought that was helpful.  (learning and growing is one of my values.)

img_4603So for Sunday, I woke up rested with a good 8 hours of sleep!  I made my hot lemon water and drank that along with a Tbsp of the ACV.   Then I took our Golden Retriever, Wall-e, out for the first walk of the day.  When I returned, I caught up on the news with a small portion of img_4604cooked steel cut oats. Since it was Sunday and iGnite didn’t have any classes, I went to a new studio and had a pilates/barre class.  Then my husband joined me for a small ball class.  The instructor provided an experiential tutorial on how to massage and break up your fascia (myofascial release techniques) for better body img_4621health and healing.   We learned something and our feet, calves, hams, back muscles feel much better! (Cue img_4626another value—learning and health).  After our class, we came home and I made a yummy brunch of the eggs baked in avocado.  I added some shredded cabbage and kale salad with sunflower seeds, dried cranberries and coconut flakes to our plate along with some salsa without sugar (very hard to find!). 

After our yummy brunch, John enjoyed football and I took a img_4632nice walk/run around downtown. (another value emerges on my lovely Sunday—that of vitality).  I visited the Capitol, and enjoyed the fullsizerender-216Pecan Street Festival, among other highlights.  Then I did some cooking for our 23-year-old twins who came over for dinner.  We had the Spaghetti squash with meat balls, some Brussel sprouts, and sweet potato chips.  Since they love left overs to img_4558take home, I also prepared the roasted chicken which they took home and we will have it tomorrow!  We did open a bottle of red wine and I admit to having a nice glass which was my first divergence from the Rx but it was very tasty!  Since I arise at 4:45 a.m., I dashed off this blog, watched 60 minutes, and jumped into bed to hopefully get 6.5 hours of sleep!

The parts I have incorporated into my life:  At this point, my diet is almost identical to this program. When I’m not on the reboot, I don’t adhere to it that strictly if I am at a business conference or a friend’s house for dinner but when I can control my food prep, this is how I eat.   I continue to reboot because I love the reminder to take care of ourselves and to spend two weeks of concentration on my health.  I loved the quote on the cover, “The greatest gift you can give others is your best self,” by Joseph J Sweere. 

Tips and Tricks that have helped me:  The meal plans helped this time.  But I still find each time and periodically, I have to restock and reorganize my pantry & fridge so that I have quick and convenient access to all of my favorite healthy fats, Omega 3s, etc.  so I regularly make small containers of shredded coconut, various nuts, ground flax seed, chia seeds, sunflower seeds, dried fruits, etc.  That make putting together a smoothie or a nutritious and delicious salad, quick and painless.

The most difficult parts:  I love a glass of iced green tea in the afternoon and I completely miss my corn tortillas (both soft and crunchy) which is used to contain many snacks and meals.

The most enjoyable parts:  In earlier reboots, I really fought the body brushing and Epsom Salt baths.  I have since really learned to love this wonderful treat.  It is a terrific cure for sore and aching muscles. I think the best thing is that I feel really full of energy after about the first day and a half.  It is much more fun to do this reboot with a family member or close friend you see often.

What I have learned about myself from the reboots:  Quite a lot actually.  I wrote a year or so ago my discovery of a dairy allergy as the cause/major contributor to life-long Eczema.  This has also reinforced that I am very disciplined and can initiate healthy changes and still enjoy life.  I do not feel deprived.  I have also learned about how important it is to take time for yourself to slow down, relax, recharge and replenish.  I was never good about taking the time to do that and in the last couple of years, I do dedicate time each and every day just to my health and well-being.  I am a happier and more balanced person.  (I do struggle with that since one of my core values is excellence.)

Embracing the Pause

February is here and the enthusiasm of the holidays and New Year’s resolutions have passed — not to mention the winter doldrums are starting to set in. We are facing the daunting marathon until June and another school year complete. I must admit, at this time of year it starts to feel hard to keep momentum strong toward the change, that I may or may not have identified, is going to happen this year!

Amy Casual headshot

by Amy Chibib

Whether you are one of those hard core achievers diligently chipping away at your goals or not – we all get to a point of questioning – Can I do this and what is next? In my coaching practice I see it happen to all types, the excitement is waning and this is where “the rubber hits the road.” Reality sets in and the climb looks steep. Yet, we continue in a perpetual motion of just staying busy and moving forward. And if you aren’t getting things done, well then something must be wrong. Resonate with anyone?

I have been through different seasons in my life and often faced with this challenge by the end of February. The good news is I have learned some effective coping skills along the way and have come to see this as a powerful gift. Perhaps this is the very nudge, or ah ha! Saying STOP and pay attention. Listen to what is really going on and get connected to myself. I am a doer by nature and my go to pattern is to buck it up and keep going. That behavior has allowed me to escape the deep thinking and contemplation. Or even worse — the uncomfortableness of sitting still. What I have come to learn is that in my “busyness,” I am so disconnected I don’t even realize the impact of how I am showing up. What have I been missing? What have you been missing? While teaching Pilates recently, I realized the metaphor in the tiny movements, holding still, and breathing not only in exercise but in every aspect of our life is where we find the greatest connections and joy.

So, what’s next? How do you want to continue to move through this year and achieve the goals and/or change you seek? Why not pause, be still and evaluate your why’s – the values you hold. The values in which you make decisions on daily that are so subconscious they go unnoticed. As a coach, no matter what challenges my clients face, we start here. Just as strong companies lay this foundation of a mission and core values; this is an incredibly powerful discovery for yourself. It brings a connected sense of purpose and meaning behind the goals you have set. If you find yourself stuck in the winter doldrums, post resolution blues – I challenge you to embrace those moments. Give yourself a wink and say ok, I need to take inventory.

Below are two exercises to sort through in these times:

  • For those of us “Doer’s”, this is a challenge but I can attest it has given more clarity than I ever imagined. Give meditation 15minutes a day – No judging allowed, just notice and write down the chatter that is going on in your mind. Reflect – What is it like to just sit with your thoughts and let them go? Do you notice a pattern or theme?  What could this be telling you about your values?
  • Define your core values: Think of highs and lows you’ve experienced in your life. Write these events and ask: What is significant about these times and what values are being held? Name a value to each – themes will most likely appear. Another, way to identify your core values is consider what you can’t tolerate — what drives you nuts. These are pointing directly to tightly held values and beliefs. Use this list of sample values that might help you. Once you have identified your top 10 – bring them to life with a definition. If that value walked in your house, what would it look like? This is what makes it unique to you – Ex: Trust might be on many lists but that can look very different to each person.

Have fun with these exercises and notice the shifts in perspective toward your goals. Who do you want to BE and are you showing up authentically? I wish for each of you a year filled with a renewed balance, embracing the pause. 

Life is a dance that requires a lot of balance and just like when we are training our body – our spirit and mind need the same attention.



Amy Chibib works as a career/life transition coach in Austin, Texas.  She enjoys helping clients map out their whys and what’s next. If you are interested in learning more, she can be reached at amy0825@att.net or 512.632.9252

 


 

How Molly is In the Game

The Need for Connectedness  – Continued from Are you In the Game or On the Sidelines?

iGnite - connectedness

Point to Ponder:
When do you get the most offended in your interactions with people?
by Molly Daniels

by Molly Daniels

With the help of iGnite member and business coach Martha Lynn Mangum, I have learned that one of my core values is connectedness. And as I have considered my fears, I’ve realized that one of my related fears is not being and feeling connected.

I value all of my relationships, and when I love you, I love you hard. Before learning that connectedness was one of my core values, when I felt left out or distant from a friend, instead of reaching out to him or her, my fear-based reaction was to withdraw, as this was how I would attempt to protect my heart. Of course I know this isn’t the best or most mature response, but it’s the truth.

Now, since being made aware that connectedness is one of my core values, when I start to feel like it’s being ‘violated,’ I can now identify where that feeling is coming from, work with the facts rather than my assumptions, and move on.

All in all, I need relationships, and I especially love the feeling of connectedness — which is why I love iGnite so much! 🙂

Action Item:
Recognize that your reaction could be a result of your personal core values instead of the fault of others. Notice how this changes the way you view and internalize the situation.

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