“It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be for creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.”
-Dr. Leo Buscaglia
Point to Ponder:
What are the sources of your confidence? Are they building actual or perceived confidence?
Challenge yourself this week to improve your actual confidence by connecting, relating, listening, encouraging and loving people.
While I haven’t opened The Confidence Code in over ten days, since writing last week’s Journal I continue to think about confidence every.single.day. On the surface it seems simple (like everything), but then as I dig deeper into my heart, the heavier and more complex it gets. And if I don’t get it out of my heart and on paper I think my head may explode!!!! So here it goes:
I believe there are two types of confidence. The first is ‘Actual Confidence‘ which is spiritual confidence that is derived from our soul and tells us that WE ARE ENOUGH. We are enough just as we are and without having to perform, measure up, gain approval of or be accepted by others. And, we all have ‘spiritual confidence’ because I think we are born spiritual, a.k.a. created by God, for relationships and for one another. ‘Actual Confidence’ is sustainable, outward focused, and fulfilling because we get it from connecting, relating, listening, encouraging, and loving people.
Then, there is ‘Perceived Confidence‘, which is ‘wordly confidence’ and it’s based on societal success standards like wealth, job status and physical appearance. These types of things may temporarily validate us and give us confidence, but none are life-giving and they are all short-term. Just when we get to “the top,” there’s someone better looking, more wealthy and more successful. ‘Perceived confidence’ is unsustainable, inward focused, and unfulfilling because it’s about approval. It’s a road to nowhere.
So, how do we get and maintain actual confidence? Again it’s simple, yet complex. The simple solution is to make our life about pouring love, joy and encouragement into others, every-single-day. What makes achieving actual confidence so complex is our consumer-filled and busy lives, which create the perception that we don’t have enough time. That busy-ness and stuff, no matter who we are, is a distraction that prevents us from connecting and loving others, negatively affecting our actual confidence.
Finally, the million dollar question is, can we have the best of both worlds? YES, at least I think we can! I do think we can enjoy nice things, have amazing and successful careers and strive to look and feel our best, however; the foundation, which gives us the confidence to be our best, is connecting with and loving people on a daily basis.
So, what’s love got to do with it? Everything! And fortunately, at Saturday’s Austin’s Fittest Competition, I saw first hand what love is and can do. Love is loud, love is colorful, love is supportive and it came to cheer Kathleen on to her third consecutive fifty and over victory! Bottom line is, love is the greatest power on the planet and WHEN WE GIVE IT, there’s no doubt that confidence is one of its many wonderful by-products, leaving us feeling, doing and giving our best.